tell me what's real...

i thought i have forgotten you all along...

but then,

i found out last night that i was mssing something.

yeah... you're right...

it was you.




sad to say, but you're still running around my memory for quite some time now...



i have even pretended to fall for someone. but the pain inside me was not that easy to cure...



maybe they were right about what they said to me before:

"no matter how hard you tried to erase the memory, that will always remain, whether you like it or not..."



now tell me what is really going on between us...


is it me who has the problem of not moving on? or is it you who left me hanging clueless?



will i expect that "someday", there would be what we call "us"?


or will that dream of "ours" BEFORE you left, be buried along the best memories of MY life with you?



did you endure the pain i have felt when you left?

or did you feel nothing because all the while i was nothing at all?



i'm really angry of what had happened between us.


why?


because the promise that was made by you was easily broken by you all along...


and it hurts so much to reminisce the time wherein your parting words look as if i was a big distraction of your life... all the while i thought you said i was a blessing in disguise.



now what will happen now?

loving forever...

Roses for Rose
By James A. Kisner

Red roses were her favorites - her name was also Rose -
And every year her husband sent them, tied with pretty bows.
The year he died the roses were delivered to her door.
The card said, "Be my Valentine," like all the years before.

Each year he sent her roses, and the note would always say,
"I love you even more this year than last year on this day.
My love for you will always grow with every passing year."
She knew this was the last time that the roses would appear.

She thought, "He ordered roses in advance before this day."
Her loving husband did not know that he would pass away.
He always liked to do things early, way before the time.
Then, if he got too busy, everything would work out fine.

She trimmed the stems and placed them in a very
special vase,
Then sat the vase beside the portrait of his smiling face.
She would sit for hours, in her husband's favorite chair,
While staring at his picture and the roses sitting there.

A year went by and it was hard to live without her mate,
With loneliness and solitude that had become her fate.
Then, the very hour, as on Valentines before,
The doorbell rang, and there were roses sitting by her door.

She brought the roses in, and then just looked at them
in shock,
Then went to get the telephone, to call the florist shop.
The owner answered and she asked him if he would explain,
Why would someone do this to her, causing her such pain?

"I know your husband passed away more than a year ago,"
The owner said. "I knew you'd call, and you would want to know,
The flowers you received today were paid for in advance.
Your husband always planned ahead, he left nothing to chance.

"There is a standing order that I have on file down here,
And he has paid well in advance; you'll get them every year.
There also is another thing that I think you should know:
He wrote a special little card . . . he did this years ago.

"Then, should ever I find out that he's no longer here,
That's the card that should be sent to you the following year."
She thanked him and hung up the phone, her tears now flowing hard,
Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to get the card.

Inside the card she saw that he had written her a note.
Then, as she stared in total silence, this is what he wrote. . . .
"Hello, my love, I know it's been a year since I've been gone,
I hope it hasn't been too hard for you to overcome.

"I know it must be lonely, and the pain is very real,
For if it were the other way, I know how I would feel.
The love we shared made everything so beautiful in life.
I loved you more than words can say. You were the
perfect wife.

"You were my friend and lover, you fulfilled my every need.
I know it's only been a year, but please try not to grieve.
I want you to be happy, even when you shed your tears.
That is why the roses will be sent to you for years.

"When you get these roses, think of all the happiness
That we had together, and how both of us were blessed.
I have always loved you, and I know I always will.
But, my love, you must go on, you have some living still.

"Please try to find happiness, while living out your days.
I know it is not easy, but I hope you find some ways.
The roses will come every year, and they will only stop
When your door's not answered when the florist stops to knock.

"He will come five times that day, in case you have gone out.
But after his last visit, he will know without a doubt
To take the roses to the place where I've instructed him,
And place the roses where we are, together once again."

TOUCHING...

Roses for Rose
By James A. Kisner

Red roses were her favorites - her name was also Rose -
And every year her husband sent them, tied with pretty bows.
The year he died the roses were delivered to her door.
The card said, "Be my Valentine," like all the years before.

Each year he sent her roses, and the note would always say,
"I love you even more this year than last year on this day.
My love for you will always grow with every passing year."
She knew this was the last time that the roses would appear.

She thought, "He ordered roses in advance before this day."
Her loving husband did not know that he would pass away.
He always liked to do things early, way before the time.
Then, if he got too busy, everything would work out fine.

She trimmed the stems and placed them in a very
special vase,
Then sat the vase beside the portrait of his smiling face.
She would sit for hours, in her husband's favorite chair,
While staring at his picture and the roses sitting there.

A year went by and it was hard to live without her mate,
With loneliness and solitude that had become her fate.
Then, the very hour, as on Valentines before,
The doorbell rang, and there were roses sitting by her door.

She brought the roses in, and then just looked at them
in shock,
Then went to get the telephone, to call the florist shop.
The owner answered and she asked him if he would explain,
Why would someone do this to her, causing her such pain?

"I know your husband passed away more than a year ago,"
The owner said. "I knew you'd call, and you would want to know,
The flowers you received today were paid for in advance.
Your husband always planned ahead, he left nothing to chance.

"There is a standing order that I have on file down here,
And he has paid well in advance; you'll get them every year.
There also is another thing that I think you should know:
He wrote a special little card . . . he did this years ago.

"Then, should ever I find out that he's no longer here,
That's the card that should be sent to you the following year."
She thanked him and hung up the phone, her tears now flowing hard,
Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to get the card.

Inside the card she saw that he had written her a note.
Then, as she stared in total silence, this is what he wrote. . . .
"Hello, my love, I know it's been a year since I've been gone,
I hope it hasn't been too hard for you to overcome.

"I know it must be lonely, and the pain is very real,
For if it were the other way, I know how I would feel.
The love we shared made everything so beautiful in life.
I loved you more than words can say. You were the
perfect wife.

"You were my friend and lover, you fulfilled my every need.
I know it's only been a year, but please try not to grieve.
I want you to be happy, even when you shed your tears.
That is why the roses will be sent to you for years.

"When you get these roses, think of all the happiness
That we had together, and how both of us were blessed.
I have always loved you, and I know I always will.
But, my love, you must go on, you have some living still.

"Please try to find happiness, while living out your days.
I know it is not easy, but I hope you find some ways.
The roses will come every year, and they will only stop
When your door's not answered when the florist stops to knock.

"He will come five times that day, in case you have gone out.
But after his last visit, he will know without a doubt
To take the roses to the place where I've instructed him,
And place the roses where we are, together once again."

BEING REAL WITH LOVE...

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that
wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken probably more than
once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts
too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new
love for things an old one did. You'll cry because
time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose
someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too
much, and love like you've never been hurt because
every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of
happiness you'll never get back.

>>>>> Y! mail - Jewel <<<<<

thanks for this... :'c

not me at all...

damn...

i never thought these things would happen to me...


is it because i'm hopeless?


now may i ask you a few questions:

>> have you ever felt that life had bitten you harder than before?

>> have you done something crazy in life that wasn't you at all?

>> have you felt strange with yourself once?

>> have you experienced rejection without justice?

>> have you felt weird with yourself?

the world is great to be a puzzle..

you don't know where the missing pieces will come....

you don't even know if you are still the same person...

you are in confusion...






why?





because you were left hanging....



alone.





helpless....

missing him... badly.

have you ever felt too much longing for someone who you think it is very impossible to reach?


have you ever loved someone who is not even aware that you have feelings for him?


have you felt helpless with your emotions that all you can do is cry?


have you ever wished that somehow, things would not have been the way they were now?


have you ever had the feeling of regret that you should not have fallen for him?













have you ever met a person like me, who you think was strong enough to face any trial but after reading all her post in her blog would look like someone who is very weak?





i thought, all this time... i was strong enough to pretend that i can manage my feelings...

that i can move on...

that i can forget him totally...





I WAS WRONG. AGAIN.


things are different right now. i can act as if nothing happened. but if you search deeper into my heart, you would be surprised to see that i am bringing a heavy surge of emotions, a couple of dilemma in life.




but still.... i manage to balance my academics with my emotional storm...



why so many questions in mind?



simple. I JUST MISS HIM.


SO MUCH.


he may not even care. he may just ignore me.


but deep inside, all these things are true.



sometimes, i just wish that he would be reading this. sometimes, i wish he would not have the chance.


sorry for being straight-forward, i'm just being REAL.